Tags
live without fear bracelets

Catie Hayden knew something was off when her father invited her to have lunch with him on the morning of Oct. 6, 2007.

She and her mother, Alicia Baugess, had just moved out of his Circleville home and she was afraid to say no — so she went.

“On the way home, every few miles, he’d stop the car and I thought, ‘That’s strange’,” Catie said. “As soon as we got home, he said, ‘Catie, go to your room and shut the door.’”

When Catie’s mother came to pick her up later that day, an argument broke out between her and Catie’s father.

Catie, who was 8 years old at the time, said she climbed onto her mother’s lap during the argument. It was then that her father shouted the last words he ever would say to her.

“Catie, if you don’t move, I’m going to shoot you, too,” he had said.

“I got up from her lap ... and he (shot her),” Catie said. “Then he did it to himself.”

It’s a memory Catie, now 13, will have to live with the rest of her life — the murder of her mother and the suicide of her father, Donald Brian Hayden.

But out of that terrible tragedy, she hopes to do something good to help others who might be living in a similar situation.

This month, Catie will donate about $530 to The Lighthouse, a domestic violence shelter in Lancaster.

All of the money comes from the sale of purple bracelets she bought online that bear the words “Live Without Fear” on one side and her mother’s name — Alicia Nicole Baugess — on the other.

“I think my mom would be proud and happy that I was helping others in her situation,” Catie said.

Suzanne Pelletier-Capitino, director of the Lighthouse, said she can’t wait to meet Catie in person and thank her for the donation.

“It touched my heart,” she said. “This is what the Christmas spirit is all about — giving to others less fortunate.”

This is the second year Catie has bought and sold bracelets in memory of her mother.

The first year she chose to give the bracelets away, but this year, she decided to sell them to raise money for a good cause.

“We’re very proud of her,” said Catie’s grandmother, Cathy Woodruff, of Lancaster.

Catie said she chose to put “Live Without Fear” on the bracelets because she wants to stress the importance of women immediately removing themselves from abusive situations.

It was something her mother waited too long to do, she said.

“My dad was mean. Every night they’d be arguing ... she’d come and sleep in my bed with me,” Catie said. “I’d say, ‘We need to move,’ but I think she thought she wanted me to have both a mom and a dad.”

Catie said when she witnessed her father shoot her mother and then himself, she was “in shock.”

“I went to Dad’s room and got his phone (to call for help),” Catie said. “It rang twice and I thought, ‘They’re never going to understand what I’m saying,” so I hung up. I ran out and stood on the porch and just started screaming.”

After the incident, Catie went to live with her aunt and uncle, Jason and Chrystal Baugess, of Canal Winchester. She also started meeting regularly with a counselor at The Lighthouse.

Today, she speaks openly about what happened on the night she lost both her parents, but still struggles with the reality that they’re gone.

“When it first happened, anything would set me off,” she said. “Now it’s not as hard; I laugh it off to not show that inside, it’s killing me ... sometimes, if I’m having a bad day, I think, ‘Why can’t I have a mom and dad?’”

She said she also struggles with the anger she has toward her father.

“I don’t hate him, but I don’t know what was going through his head,” she said. “He wanted to punish her but he took her away from me, so he punished me, too.”

Catie said she wears the bracelet every day to remember her mother and plans to sell more of them in 2013 to once again give back to the Lighthouse.

She said she hopes the message to “live without fear” will spur others to leave abusive situations and seek help.

“My mom, when she was getting abused, she stayed there,” Catie said. “But it’s better to get out of the situation. That’s what I would tell people, to just get out.”